UFO in KOLKATA, India

A wave of mass hysteria has gripped Kolkata. Aliens are threatening to swoop down on 'Shonar Bangla' (City of Gold). Bengalis are waiting to embrace them and welcome them with 'Rashogulla' (an Indian delicacy prepared out of curdled milk). The political parties have joined the cause. To facilitate nightwatch a bandh (Mass-Strike) was reportedly organised, so that kolkatans can sleep during the day and go alien spotting during the night People have shifted their beds on top of their roofs. community dinners of macher jhol and bhaat are being organised on large scales on world famous ‘the Maidan’, all in hope of catching a glimpse of some flying saucers carrying aliens.Reportedly, thieves and crooks from all over India are gathering in Kolkata to make hay while unidentified objects shine and hover over Kolkata. CPI Government in West Bengal has started preparing itself for any eventuality. A special alien-mitra-mandal committee has been formed to make arrangements for any emergency landings by the aliens, so that our neighbours from other world could feel at home in Kokata. Ordinary residents are also working overtime to lobby with Indian Government to award Bharat-Ratna to the first alien ever to drop by Planet earth. Of course, Bengali Bhadra-lok are proud of themselves, since the aliens have chosen 'sonar bangla' as the place for a elusive sojourn. Some Bengali chauvinists even claim that this event will settle the issue of Bengali superiority once and for all. In Delhi, sources in Rail Bhavan have informed (on condition of anonymity) that the Rail Minister Lalu Prasad Yadav is hopping mad at aliens for ignoring madhepura, his home constituency for a crash landing. He has alleged that CPI and Nitish Kumar have worked overtime to steal a great honour from Bihar. He even showed pictures to his staff of models of space-crafts and aliens being used as themes in Pujo Pendals as evidence of communist pscophancy. Rabri Devi, on the other hand, has complained that her flock of much-pampered 'gaiyas' (cows), who were already producing less milk, due to their father Laluji giving more time to railway, have stopped producing milk because aliens have chosen Kolkata instead of their air-conditioned residence. She is worried that her brood of nine-ten kids and two son-in-laws would suffer badly due to the lack of milk supply. At CPI (M) headquarters, leaders are singing a completely tune from their Bengali counterparts. Party spokesperson A.B. Bardhan has revealed that Manmohan Singh has signed a secret deal with the Aliens in Kolkata and compromised India's position in the whole universe.The party has promised that it will thwart any effort by congress or allies to surrender the sovereignty of our country to foreign super powers. Party president Prakash Karat has vowed to withdraw support from the UPA Government if it signed any agreement with the aliens for nuclear or other mysterious powers. A response from BJP is still awaited as the party is busy in Gujarat and Karnatka. VHP has chastised its BJP leaders fro letting this golden opportunity go abegging. VNP leader Vinay Katiyar has announced that VHP will try to engage the aliens in a meaningful dialogue based on Hinu Traditions and make sure that the aliens convert to Hinduism. Special Janeyus (sacred thread) have bene ordered by the party from Benaras fro a mass Yagopavit ceremony to be organised for the aliens upon their arrival. Ambani brothers are involved in a fierce tussle to start a new stock exchange in Aliens' burgeoning capital market. Both are offering handsome incentives to the aliens to this end. Industrialist Vijay Mallaya, on the other hand, is planning to throw the grandest welcome party for the esteemed guests from outer space at Arab-Al-Burj. Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton are expected to join the party. They have requested a special on-to-one or one-two-three meeting with the aliens. Mallaya is also planning to sign a MoU with the aliens to provide world class Air Hostesses trained at KINGFISHER ACADEMY, Mumbai. Ahead of the release of his film OSO, Shahrukh Khan has chalked out an extensive strategy to promote his film in the alien lands. In an exclusive interview he said, 'I want to take Bollywood to another level. OSO will show to the aliens that we may not act well, but we can still dance at their most expensive weddings.' Farah Khan was quoted as saying that Shahrukh has already made 50 crores before the release of the film and he will surely make another 50 billions from the sale of the extra-terrestrial distribution rights. when quizzed about why Sharukh Khan has refused to work for her husband Shirish Kunder, she said without batting an eyelid that Sharukh was waiting for the right opportunity and the right audience. She has promised that Shirish's project starring Shahrukh will be a sure-shot hit in alien territories amongst a more intelligent and superior audience amongst the aliens. The last word on the issue has been received from Condoleeza Rice. Her press Secretary has announced in a briefing that top secret documents available with the CIA clearly show that OSAMA BIN LADEN has sneaked away to the planet of apes on a spacecraft stolen from the sets of latest George Lukas' Star War sequel. In an exclusive interview with Jay Leno on Tonight Show, when Jay Leno quizzed George Bush Osama's escape to a Galaxy 'far far away,' Bush reiterated his firm belief in the war against terrorism. He promised that he'll will 'smoke 'em out' even if it means packing away a million American armed soldiers on a hot pursuit. When Leno reminded that Bush's term would come to an end in 2008, Bush winked at the cameras and said that 'that's my retirement plan buddy... I'll go to the farthest corner of the universe to kill that son-of-a-***(GUN).' When reminded that Universe in limitless and there are no corners, George winked at Leno and quipped 'Come to my ranch and I'll show you one'.